Consider changing or reframing your point of view every time something negative occurs, because it's very easy to be drawn into a spiralling world of negative self loathing. Maybe you don't feel you deserve happiness, maybe you want to punish yourself for some reason or maybe you just don't like yourself.
Will that continue to build layer upon layer of hurt, lack of self worth an ultimately a send of self sabotage? Why does this happen?
Well, we are built for survival and when we are confronted with a threat be it physical, verbal or even created by ourselves, our unconscious mind will find some way to protect us. Now this way is not necessarily going to be of any use to you (although it may have had some use when it was first created). However this automatic way of protecting us can be something that happens after a shock event & can even develop overtime and become totally debilitating.
Most of us have experienced PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) of some kind and it can come in many forms from witnessing a traumatic event, to watching something shocking on TV, to any type of abuse (there are many more examples). We tend to not attach ourselves to the idea that we have PTSD and just carry on regardless, however there will be traits, beliefs and patterns of behaviour that would have been created because of that event. Now for some people it is manageable, however for some it can stop them from being able to function or even have any type or normality in their lives.
By understanding how our minds work we can reframe almost every situation that happens to us. Because the unconscious mind is very clever as it has already figured out how to protect you, well it can also find a way to protect you without actually hurting you (this isn't always the default setting). In fact everyone I see already has the answer they need to heal themselves, all I do is guide them towards that answer because more importantly than anything being self sufficient and not reliant on someone else to become strong again has to be the goal.
Remember that there is always a way through any situation, however tough it is. We don't have to throw in the towel, we can find our path that can lead us to where we want to be with just a little guidance.
I saw a client recently who was dealing with some challenges. After a single session there was already a massive paradigm shift and the second session just reinforced that incredible feeling and change in the way they see everything. Below is their story.
"I contacted Phil last month in desperate need of help. Earlier that day I had seen the surgeon who was going to operate on my bowel and take my cancerous tumour out in 2 weeks time. They had unexpectedly discovered the tumour a week and a half prior to that as a result of investigating my sudden anemia.
Within just under a month of being told I had a tumour I was in for major surgery to remove it. Thankfully the CT scan showed it hadn’t spread but it was still such a lot to take in and deal with.
We have 2 young children and my brain went into overdrive after talking through all of the possibilities of surgery with the surgeon. They were hopeful of laparoscopic surgery to remove it but there were risks of open surgery, a leaking bowel, a colostomy bag, clots, intensive care unit, death. There was no guarantee as to what I would wake up to.
I was fit and healthy. I exercised daily and other than feeling tired with anemia for a week or two in February I was well. I pretty much bounced back on Iron tablets and I didn’t feel like the specialists should be talking to me. How did I have this?
I was extremely fortunate to have a very conscientious GP that went above and beyond in her investigations, as sending me for the procedures she did was rare due to my age. Most would send a young menstruating woman off with iron tablets. The doctor who found it was very shocked and told me I was extremely lucky that I had such a good GP as I was not a candidate for this and shouldn’t be there for that test.
Even though I felt lucky it had been found and that it hadn’t spread, my fear had reached a new level after speaking to the surgeon and it became very real. Would I wake up, would my children have to grow up without me, how would they cope with me in hospital for 5-7 days, should I be sorting through and leaving things for people?
Phil replied instantly on messenger and called me the next day. He calmly reminded me how strong I am, how to turn my fear for the children into a determination to fight for them. That initial phone call alone did me the world of good. He told me all the things I knew but without me having to fight to find them in my own head. The chimp in my head which had grown into a huge monster telling me I was going to die, was instantly smaller and quieter. I saw Phil later that week and it became clear that not only was I struggling to deal with this but the grief of losing my father unexpectedly and suddenly a year earlier was still a huge struggle for me.
Phil’s explanation of life - the past, the present and the future will stay with me for life.
After Phil’s first visit I immediately felt calmer. My stress/upset levels were initially a 10 and these dropped to a 5 after the first session and continued dropping over the following days. Instead of panic, fear and upset filling me when thinking or speaking about my dad, Phil had calmed my grief and Dad was now in my heart and I was able to think of him and remember happier days together.
Phil recommended a healing hypnosis along with meditation and visualisation and I religiously did these daily. The following session was much calmer on my side and we worked on me being strong mentally for the surgery and to not break down in fear in the lead up or on the day. Even when I tried to think of the bad things that could happen, I couldn’t. It was as if my brain had blocked them out.
The day of my surgery was Dad’s first anniversary since he’d left us. This was a positive - he was going to be with me and I later found out he was. I was strong. I said goodbye to my mum and my children with a smile. I concentrated on my meditation at the first sign of anxiety creeping in whilst in the waiting room once gowned up. I calmly hugged my husband and said goodbye as I walked down to the room for the general anaesthetic. As my cannula was put in I joked about them sorting out my wrinkles and “was I going now” as I went under. All of these things would have been impossible for me to do calmly and in control without Phil’s help and huge support.
A few hours later and I was in recovery. My first words were they’d woken me from such a lovely dream and that I was in my happy hypnosis place. I was laughing and joking with the nurse and so positive which is unusual as anaesthetics don’t always agree with me and leave me groggy and upset.
I immediately used the tools Phil had taught me when I felt my body starting to shake on the way to the ward. When I arrived they were concerned with my breathing being so slow until they spoke to me and I told them I was doing my meditation/hypnosis breathing. I used a lot of healing visualisation that day and listened to my hypnosis. I was determined to bounce back. Luckily laparoscopic surgery was a success. I was up the next day, walking the following day and home 4 days after surgery.
The difference with Phil compared to counselling or therapy is he gives you the tools to be in control of your life. He literally turned my life around when things were going from bad to worse. He helped me regain control. I had comments within days of seeing Phil of how my sparkle had come back. I felt that too and liked it.
Events in life can have such a damaging effect even without us being aware. I explained it to a friend recently - if we hurt a limb we’d give ourselves painkillers, go to the doctor, have physio and give it rest. Why don’t we do the same with our minds? I wish I’d known about this 20 years ago.
Anyone I speak to I recommend Phil to. I can’t recommend him highly enough. Even the nurses in the hospital when they were surprised at my recovery, positivity and being discharged early - I sent them Phil’s details. There’s no need to be worried, sad, upset, concerned, struggle with life, sleeping, eating etc. There is a happy way out and that’s to deal with it in a gentle but hugely effective way. If you’re sitting on the fence about seeing Phil I’d get off quick if I were you, call him and change your life.
I can’t and never will be able to thank Phil enough."
(Anonymous)
I have been asked by a few people to create this so they can use it in their own time.
This is possibly one of the most relaxing things you can do for yourself, it actually only lasts 15 minutes (unlike the 20 minutes I said at the beginning), but you can enjoy every moment of it in a peaceful place away from distraction. I recommend lying down somewhere although you can do it in a seated position too if you wish and use headphones so you can become immersed in the exercise.
You'll need to copy and paste the link below into your browser. Enjoy it and let me know how you get on with it.
JP Lear
One of the most common issues that people go to hypnotherapy for is to give up smoking. Like with any issue that you go and see a Hypnotherapist about if you are not 100% on board to quit a habit then it doesn’t matter what happens in the session, it won’t work long term.
I regularly turn smoking clients away based on a simple question which is asking them to scale 1-10 where they are on their desire to quit. 1 loving smoking cigarettes with no intention of ever giving up and 10 never wanting to even see one again. If you are not a 10 (or even an 11) then I will honestly tell you not to waste your money or my time with the sessions.
What I will do is change your relationship with cigarettes, because that’s what it is. There will be a trigger for you to light up and I will change that as well, I can even help you to feel completely disgusted at the thought of cigarettes. However if your desire for change isn’t there then you can easily fall back into your old habits because actually your reason for change isn’t strong enough.
Here are a few facts for you to think about:
1. There are 1.3 Billion people who smoke in the world today
2. In this century more than a Billion people will die from smoking related diseases (World Health Organisation)
3. In England alone cigarette companies have to recruit 352 new smokers every day to make up for the 352 that died that day who were smoking. These are all 10, 11, 12 & 13 year old children.
There is nothing else on this planet that you could legally sell to a child in the full knowledge that it will destroy their health, cost them a fortune and kill it prematurely than cigarettes.
If you smoke and you have children, and you know full well what it is doing to your health, that is to say it will shorten your life to the point that you won’t get to spend as much time with your family as you would have wished, that your internal organs may eventually fail due to the poison you are putting into your body, then just imagine for a second watching your child lighting up a cigarette from behind a screen where you can’t say anything and imagine that feeling, knowing they are starting on that same path of self-destruction.
Now you may say to me I won’t let my child start smoking because I know it’s bad for them and I tell them all the time, I also never smoke around my child, and that may very well be true, but consider this, what age did you start smoking? Does your child ever see you smoking? Can they smell it on you? Do you ever say things like “this cigarette calms me down”.
From the age of 9yrs old I used to go to the south of France for my summer holidays and I would see my mum (she and my father divorced and she moved back to France when I was 4yrs old). In the evenings with our family around me, outside, after a meal my mum would want a cigarette and asked me if I wanted to light it for her. This seemed an incredible opportunity to do something that only adults did. I did it and hated it, but I felt big, like a grown up. I did this for at least 2 or 3 summers, but fortunately I never continued to smoke and in fact told my mum I didn’t want to do it any longer. It was never for me, but I can see now how easy it is to start at such an early age, especially through peer pressure.
In many cases a habit, be it smoking or other habits can be the result of either a traumatic experience or something you believe gave you status or pleasure of some kind. Maybe you first thought it looked cool because the grown-ups were doing it, maybe you did it because all your friends were and you didn’t want to be the odd one out (i.e. the healthy one?).
When I see clients I will ask questions to help us find the trigger or the pattern that has been created. This can also be because of a lack of basic needs and so they use their habit to make up for that deficit.
When talking about quitting cigarettes, I will help you to dispel 3 main myths
1. I can’t quit
2. I am addicted to nicotine
3. It’s doing something for me
I will talk to you about that part of you that wants to smoke and the relationship that your unconscious mind has with that part.
Once you have completely reframed cigarettes and what they are doing for you, that’s where the change happens, maybe one or two of you when reading this today will find it’s enough for you to completely stop simply because you’ve had a shift.
After the session you will have a completely different view of cigarettes and your desire to smoke will be gone completely from your body.
Read below a testimonial from a satisfied client:
"I have been a smoker for most of my life. Having tried every “tool” to stop with little or no success I decided to try hypnotherapy. As I have known Phil for many years I trusted him & felt comfortable asking him to help. His gentle, non-judgemental manner put me at ease immediately and I believe contributed to the success of the session. I am now 7 weeks nicotine free and determined to keep going!"
KS.
Sources: World Health Organisation, Freddie Jacquin
When she was very little she choked daily on food she ate as she didn't chew it enough and she would put too much in her mouth in one go. We would regularly be seen patting her back to remove what was in her throat or bending her forwards to get what was stuck out. She would always get upset afterwards then refuse to eat anything else.
I realise that the reason she won't taste anything new now is based on what happened when she was younger and it's her fight/flight response that kicks in as her mind connects the reaction of protecting herself from what new foods could make her do. As a 4 year old she is too young for me to treat her, however I continually use hypnotic language with her that creates possibility and change. Once she turns about 7 or 8 years old she will be ready as she would have created enough in her memory bank to work with or maybe by then she may have just figured it out for herself and she'll be eating fine (which can also happen).
In fact this issue is very common as well as other eating issues, in particular a fear of food textures that completely put people off eating out and can even affect their quality of life. I've helped a few people now with overcoming a fear of food textures, each time there has been an initial incident that has created the pattern. A few times the issue was down to being forcibly fed food that created a traumatic experience for the client that in turn has made the last 20-30 years very painful.
By gently reframing and changing the way they see that incident it creates an incredible ripple effect that completely changes their relationship with food. Watching people literally transform in front of my eyes is one of the most rewarding parts of this work. Just because someone has suffered for so many years, it does not mean they have to continue suffering forever, change can happen and it will. Just get in touch.
Read below just one of the testimonials about food from people that have experienced a life changing shift after a single session with me.
"I had my first ever hypnotherapy session with Phil over Christmas 2018. I’ve had an issue with eating certain foods after an incident at primary school and I’ve hidden this for as long as I can almost remember. At it’s very worst this was involuntary gagging from particular food textures and even strong food smells. Over the years this has had a huge negative impact on my life as well as to my family and friends and even at work. I’ve always been embarrassed and slightly ashamed of the problem and so finally I decided to talk to Phil about it and he assured me he could help. I’ll admit I was a little sceptical whether hypnosis would work for me but I was determined to go in with an open mind.
During the session, Phil was professional, patient & understanding. We discussed the history of my issue and what I hoped to get from my hypnotherapy session. The whole time I felt relaxed and comfortable as Phil led me through the visualisations. The two-hour session flew by and I left feeling energised and full of hope.
From just that single session the involuntary gagging has gone, disappeared entirely. I can now try foods that I know were an issue for me, foods that previously I couldn’t physically bear to even put in my mouth for fear of what would happen.
I’ve also found that I’m now calmer around foods in general, I’m more relaxed about eating out and with others and have been trying out foods that previously I’ve never experienced before or been too afraid to try. I find myself eating something new and marvelling at the positive change in me all from just two-hours of hypnotherapy.
From my experience, I have absolutely no hesitation in recommending hypnotherapy to anyone with issues that impact negatively on their lives. Most importantly for me, I couldn’t have chosen someone better or more understanding than Phil to help me and cannot express how thankful I am for his help and support."
T
I lost 15kgs (2.36 stones). However, although you can look at the numbers and think wow, that's amazing what actually happened to me?
- I stopped snacking
- I created motivation to change
- I congratulated myself on small accomplishments
- I stopped beating myself up about how I looked
- I learnt to say NO!
These are actually just a few things that happened to create the result. You'll notice there's no mention of weight there, why? because weight is a number that we have created as a barometer a little bit like time that puts us under pressure. In fact how you feel and how you accept yourself is far more important than the pressure of reaching a number.
Now don't get me wrong I have lots of friends who have done wonders at places like slimming world and are feeling amazing for it and I congratulate anyone who sets goals and achieves them. From my own perspective over Christmas I put on about 4kgs (roughly, I could feel the difference) and I accepted that because it's a time when I wind down and am not as active. January kicks in and I'm back on it and already a week and half in January and my shape is changing back to how it was around the middle of December.
No pressure on myself, no beating myself up. Why? because when you do that you can revert back to old eating habits or "comfort eating". Consider it logically, can comfort eating help you to change shape or make you feel better? The thing is logic doesn't come into it, it's about emotion and in many cases it's an unconscious emotional response.
As a child when you hurt yourself and got upset, maybe your parents gave you a sweet to "cheer you up" or "feel better", maybe you've even done this with your own child. Now think about the belief system you're creating for your child or that you may have within yourself? Every time you feel down or hurt, you're going to reach for a tub of Ben and Jerry's why? because you crave the sugar rush that you expect every time you're upset or things don't go right for you, that eventually will give you an enormous crash and help you to feel even worse and more guilty than before.
Imagine you are able to change that belief, imagine what it would feel like to have the ability to say "no" to that regular snack you know isn't good for you (notice I say regular, because I still believe you can have treats every now and again).
I am proof that by changing belief systems and autonomic reactions that
- Body shape changes
- Energy levels rise
- Sleeping improves
Now this isn't something that happens overnight, so you've got to be on board 100%, however you will start to notice the difference within a couple of weeks.
Ask yourself these questions
- Why do you want to change shape?
- Do you REALLY want to?
- Are you willing to put the work in?
“I had my first Hypnotherapy session with Phil a few weeks ago. I was really apprehensive at first not knowing what would be involved or how successful it would be! However I went into the session open minded. Phil took his time before we got the therapy session started to ask me a number of question to establish what I was wanting to gain from the Hypnotherapy session. Once Phil established everything I wanted to gain from the therapy session we got started. That night I slept like a baby, I felt a weight had come off my shoulders when I woke . I started the very next morning without thinking too much about it; Eating Better, Drinking more water throughout the day, Eating good food regularly & Making time for myself...... Those are a few of the things that happened for me, I have also dropped 9kg in body weight and my energy levels are brilliant. I highly recommend you give Phil a call and get booked in. I live in Scotland and we did our session through Skype, no matter where you are in the world Phil can help you! Thanks Phil for making a positive change to my mindset.” Chris.
